9 posts from June 2009

I turned 39 yesterday. Thanks for all the congrats. I wasn't real interested in turning 39 but it's just one of those things you have to do. My family thought it was great that I had a birthday so I let them oooo & aaaah over it. My father and mother forgot so that was no big deal. I didn't really expect them to remember but I think it would have been nice to at least get a card or something. My Grams never forgot my birthday but she died a while back. The rest of my relatives wouldn't know my birthday no matter what. Again, big deal. My only problem with turning 39 is that I never believed that I'd make it passed 40. That technically means that I'll probably die some time in the next year or two. I could cry or rant over it but I still believe that death is going to be my greatest adventure yet. I think it's going to suck for Deb tho. She's already lost one husband. I never saw myself as an old guy. I always thought that it would be great to see the loved ones I lost in this life. I don't buy into the whole Heaven thing so I don't think they'll all be waiting for me in a cloud somewhere but I do think they'll come see me as and after I die. I know this sounds kind of maudlin but that's just the kind of guy I am. I'm not looking forward to a long life of falling apart slowly so that's a plus. Deb, at 50, is having enough problems for the both of us. I watched as my dreamgirl from my childhood die the day before my birthday and that sucked. The pedophile I couldn't care less about. The less of them on Earth, the better for the kids of the world. I wonder what my legacy will truly be tho. Will it be what I taught the kids around me? Will it be my kind heart? Will it be the fact that I was a shithead most of the time? Will my poetry finally be published? Will the book I'm writing about my life be a best seller? Truly, who cares. Well I'm done being a buzzkill. Enjoy your lives as you can and always remember to Love with your whole heart.

What do you tend to worry about in the middle of the night?

EVERYTHING! Are you kidding? I'm a total worrywart. If it's a possibility of something going wrong my mind will race thru it as I try to get to sleep. I relive past mistakes. I relive past achievements. My mind wanders thru the weirdest places every night before I sleep and while I'm dreaming. The big issues like the Earth's condition doesn't worry me much because there's not one damn thing I can really do about it. Besides, the Earth is a big planet and she can take care of herself. She'll get tired of us sooner or later and shrug us off like a dog with fleas. We are, afterall, a parasite that annoys every place we conqure. But as far as my finances and my kids and their stupidity and all the nifty things that can happen due to Murphy's Law worry the hell out of me. I spend more time throwing clouds on tomorrow and less time working on the rain storm that I'm in today. I can't help it for the most part because like I said, I'm a total worrywart.

What is the most valuable lesson your father taught you? Bonus points if you show us your dad.

I think the most important thing my Dad taught me was respect for others. I took it a bit farther and learned respect for a lot of things including other's points of view. My Dad was an evangelist for the Baptist church and he taught me to be a good Christian but that kind of fell by the wayside but I still respect other people's right to their own beliefs. I had a Jehovah's witness stop by my house yesterday and I told her that her opinion mattered to her whether it mattered to me or not. I think that's the best lesson any of us can learn. Just because you don't happen to agree with somebody doesn't give you the right to make disparaging remarks or scorn their opinion or their beliefs. I know that respect should be earned but it doesn't cost you anything to let other people think what they want whether you agree or not. 

Maxpalmer1A

Here's a picture of my Dad. He was 8'2" tall and the kindest man you could imagine. Look him up on the web.

Who do you tell your secrets to?

What secrets? Our society has become less private with every day we live in it. Some people try to keep things on the dl but who can you tell that wont put it on a blog space or another website? I doubt there are really that many true secrets out there. I know a lot of people that are almost total open books. I, for one, will tell almost anybody anything about myself. I like talking about me and I've led a very interesting life so why not share. It's been one hell of a ride thus far. I tell Deb everything that she asks and I don't think hiding things is a good idea in a relationship. Not telling your boss about the stapler that you took home or the post-it notes that "accidently" fell in your purse is not really a secret, it's more of an omission. There is a difference between lying and not telling everything. But secret? I don't know about that. Secrets are things that nobody knows, but living your life in a closet is about the only way that nobody is going to find out sooner or later. I figure if even one other person knows something about you that you'd rather hide from the world, it aint that secret.

Would you ever want to be a model? Why or why not?

I'm already a perfect model...... of a bad example lol. I got kids that believe I'm a model for a life of low stress, shows what they know. I got folks that believe I'm a model of a wasted life, shows what they know too. I wouldn't want to be a runway model because I'm not that vain. Of course I'm gorgeous but that walk up and down the runway with the turn would drive me nuts after so long. I whooped anorexia's ass so the tiny body is out of the question. I think to be a model would be fun accept licking a postage stamp and drinking a diet coke for breakfast would kill me. I have no idea what all these people are smoking to think that scrawny, board flat women make good models. Most of the models we see today look more like Twiggy (showing my age?) than anything else. Real women don't look like that, as they shouldn't. Give me a nice size 16-22 every day.

My brother, who I've known since I was 5, has a brother that was in a severe car accident last week. We're going today to visit and try to console my brother. I met my brother and we became the best of friends almost instantly. We went thru a ceremony (Indian) that made us brothers. He has been there for me my whole life practically. I've depended on him for strength and he has depended on me. He has been the only real family I have had for a very long time. He got married and his wife has been there as a sister for a very long time as well. They've been married for 20 years. I can't wait to get there and start the healing and possibly give strength where it's needed. I don't depend on God for my supply of strength but my brother does so there will probably be a lot of praying going on. I have respect for all religion so that wont be a problem. I just hope that things get better sooner than later. They just lost my sister's mom in January and that was hard enough without this going on. I ask that anybody reading this please help by sending strength or praying as you feel lead to do. My brother's brother could use all the help he can get.

Would you rather be rich or famous?

Being rich brings some kind of fame with it. I'd much rather have the money than the adoration of fans tho. I'm the kind of guy that probably wouldn't have it very long tho. I spend very thrifty all the time but that's because I barely have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. I have too many projects that I'd want to spend my money on such as buying an apartment building and filling it with my kids. I'd help out almost anybody that needed it too. They'd have to prove they were worthy of the help tho, kind of like Seven Pounds. I'm not totally altruistic as I seem to be. I'd also waste a bit on just gadgets and junk that I always wanted. Altho buying a "new" house that's huge and costs a butt load to maintain I doubt I'd do that. I wouldn't live in a trailer anymore but I would go the complete opposit either. As for vehicles, I'd have to buy older American made cars and a truck. I want something that I can work on if it breaks. I don't have anything against mechanics but buying them new wings on their houses because I can't find the right sensor is not my idea of a good time. No, I would not go buying muscle cars and antique cars to impress anybody with. Just simple cars and a nice truck would be my aim. As for what I would do with my time, I'd stay just like I am now, nuts. I might get a real kind of job tho too.

What do you plan to do when you retire?

Retire??? Who the hell can ever retire from a great job like this? I been a nut so long I wouldn't know how to retire. As long as the government pays me to be nuts, I'm going to be a nut. Besides, being a nut is hard work sometimes but very fulfilling. I get paid vacations, medical ( such as it is), and a great retirement plan. I get to die to retire. Plus I get all the rest I can handle, regular coffee breaks, and the biggest plus, I get to be excesively happy almost at the drop of a hat. The only drawbacks of this job seems to be the voices that play around in my head from time to time and the thoughts that somebody is always out to get me. Never forget, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you. The hallucinations can be kind of kewl if you look at them just right but the auditory ones suck most of the time. This is not a job I would suggest for everybody but it is a lifetime job. Job security is everything these days.

What is the most flattering compliment you've ever received?
Submitted by Squelsy.

"You are one unique muther f'er." I like the word unique in reference to myself since I am an individual. I have ever tried to be as unconventional as I could. I hate fashion and have my own strange style. My hair has been a mess of long scragglyness since I was in high school and the headbands always worked out to emphasize my style. I wore bell-bottoms and pocket t-shirts so I had somewhere to keep my smokes. Leather was usually part of the dresscode as well. Sometimes there was even a bit of flannel. I still wear flared jeans or bootcut and pocket t's. I still wear leather boots or moccassins. I wear a cowboy hat or a fedora (see Indiana Jones). I like being a unique individual. It seems to fit my "freak" status :-).