15 posts from July 2009

Do you remember your dreams?

Unfortunately, too many of them. I started having dreams of wars that I couldn't have been in at about age 8. I saw things that would curl any body's hair. I watched as people were filleted and put in pens and had vile things shoved in places that nobody should have things put. It was incredible to me that human beings could be so cruel and destructive to their own kind. My mind reeled from the stress of these dreams but there was nobody I could talk to about them so I sucked it up and went on.

I saw Indians killing white people. Not just men but all ages and sexes. I saw people dressed in robes watching gladiators run unarmed people thru with swords and spears. I drove my own weapons into people's brains and thought it was quite a sight. I shot unarmed people and left them for dead. I spent years trying to figure out where the hell all this violence came from in my dreams.

I found a book, in the library, that told of past-life experiences. I was enthralled by the thought that I might have actually been in these places and done these things. Then it hit me that I might have been one of the people doing all these incredibly nasty things to other people. I was shocked at myself. I went to a man in my neighborhood that told me of his dreams and lives. He was a medicine man on a rez for a long time but had moved away because the people on his rez were getting high minded. We spoke of things that you wouldn't believe. I found out that if I sat in a natural setting I could relive these dreams and find out who or where I was.

I have, evidently, been a warrior of some kind in a lot of my past lives. I've also been a woman, and many other things. It was enlightening to say the least and releasing to know that I wasn't going insane. I never knew that there were other people out there that knew of this kind of stuff so it took me a long time to find anybody. I was 16 when I found the old guy in my neighborhood. We found out that I had been a sergeant in Vietnam. I found out some names of guys that I fought along side and went looking for them. I finally found 3 of them in Jefferson Barracks hospital. I told them that I was doing a term paper on Vietnam vets and wanted to ask them some questions. They were very cooperative. We all sat and talked and as we did, i learned that some of the dreams I had of these guys were actually true.

We were in a ditch near a village in a jungle. There was a small building just up aways ahead of us and we needed a base of operations for our second lieutenant. There were 5 of us and I was in charge. We crept up on the building but stayed in the trees as best we could. A young woman came running across our path and dropped a bundle of rags next to the building. She ran like the Devil was after her. We stayed in the trees till we didn't see anybody else coming. A building in that environment was a godsend as far as any of us were concerned because it's hard to keep out of the constant rain just running thru the jungle. We crept up a little closer and the bundle of rags began to move. I knew instinctively what it was but we had a greeny that was new to the outfit. He couldn't have been more than 19. We heard the noise just as he started to get out of our ditch, it was a baby crying. My corporal grabbed him by the foot and tried dragging him back but he fought to go get that kid. I knew there was no other way to get him to understand what was really going on so I put a round into the bundle. It exploded with such force that it took almost half of the building with it. He caught a piece of shrapnel in his arm because we couldn't get him back fast enough. The medic bandaged his arm and we left. Then I woke up.

It was a terrible experience but I heard it from 3 different angles from these men that sat at this table. One was the kid that caught the shrapnel. They told me that the sarge had been killed in a battle for a tunnel by some guy that was carrying 6 grenades. I don't know if that made me feel better or worse but I know it freaked me out. The reason they told me that story was because the guy with the shrapnel was explaining about the scars he had. It was his first scar. I must have had that dream a dozen times or more. I saw it all, as they recounted the whole thing, just as vividly as I had in my dream. I didn't know what to do about these dreams but I knew that they were real.

So you ask if I remember my dreams? Unfortunately, too many of them.

How has technology impacted the quality time you spend with your family?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

Actually, if not for technology and Yahoo, me and Deb would be lost almost. We spend most of our time talking in IM. Yes I know that sounds stupid. You got to understand tho. Deb is not a morning person so when she gets up I ask the normal, "how did you sleep? How are you feeling" and then I go to my room so we can really talk and she doesn't have to hear anything. The kids would much rather talk in person so we do. They come in the bedroom and sit on my bed and we have some great discussions. Deb's just more of a coputer person. I hate tv and she hates music. I listen to online radio most of the day and she watches all the stuff on tv while we chat. It sounds pretty weird for two people that live in the same house to communicate via IM all day but it's better than yelling down the hallway when I want to tell her something.

The first time I ever saw or felt a ghost or spirit i was five years old. My sister and I were staying with our great grandparents on their farm. We had to go to a funeral of one of their friends. I was five so I wasn't paying any attention to anything in particular. Then, I saw the guy from the big box, in the hallway looking around. He wasn't totally there and that surprised me a little. I asked him what he was looking for and he told me he just wanted to find that person he was just with. In the next few minutes another guy, I guess, came walking down the hall looking very shiny. Sorry for the word "shiny" but that was what he looked like, shiny. No he wasn't glowing, just very polished. The first guy, the guy from the box, asked him if it was ok if he left now because he couldn't stand seeing his wife in her condition. The shiny guy told him it would be fine and that he'd take him where he wanted to go. They both looked at me, being extremely quiet for a change, and told me to stay put and be good. I had no idea who they were or where they were going but I really didn't think I wanted to follow. I went and found Grandma and stayed by her side the rest of the funeral.

It has pretty much been like that since. I usually get a tingle in a part of my head and then somebody, or something, seems to appear out of nowhere. I had a friend die when I was a young teenager and he even came to me to talk over why he had sat in his car while it was in the garage running. Before I knew it, I was the center of attention for a gaggle of people I didn't know. As I got older, I found out that there was a way I could shut them out but it only worked for a little while. I've had shrinks and counselors tell me that they were hallucinations and the voices I heard were too. The only problem with that is that the voices I heard always called me bad things and degraded me terribly, but the people I saw and heard didn't.

I started hearing the bad voices when I was 15. They would intrude on me while I was trying to do other things. They wouldn't go away unless I was very high, so I smoked a butt load of weed trying to get rid of them. I know that sounds like a copout but that was the main reason I smoked pot. I couldn't make the insubstantial people go away no matter what I did. I've met some very interesting people in my life and not all of them were alive. Church was a pretty good place to find fanatics and the "weird" set. Funerals were a different experience than church because the people there usually knew they were dead. It aint easy to explain to anybody that their time in this life is over. Most of them have a certain idea of how they saw themselves and that was the way they looked when I saw them. The worst were the soldiers, only because they never give up thinking they have to fight.

There is a small veterans cemetery in my town. I have been there a few times and it gets creepy because the people I see there don't want to go away. There is a nurse there that "takes care" of them and tries to help them understand that it's over. Some refuse to believe it and some move on but they all have one thing in common, they all are in their best uniforms. I think that's weird but she says it's because they think that's the best they ever looked. I don't know but I think they look pretty strange.

One of the main reasons that I figured that there is no "God" is from the spirits and such that I've talked to and seen. Never once has any of them told me about a supreme being. It says in the Bible that "to be absent from the body is to be in the presence of God". If that were truly the case then where the hell did all these spirits and ghosts come from? As for demons, what can I say. I have met and fought quite a few. No, they're not fallen angels that decided to be evil. No, they weren't thrown out of Heaven because of pride. The ones I have met were simply people at one time that lost their sanity. There is a soul in each of us and they can be corrupted. Insanity in the living shows in the acts of depravity that people commit on each other. The insanity of a spirit is simply losing their ability to care about right, wrong, or truth.

The absolutes in this world, and the other world, are simple; there really are none. Lives are lived, every day, by people that have the ability to see, hear and feel the presence of the other world and just choose not to know it. Right is basically only a choice to not hurt another person. Truth is what you discover as your own. Wrong is hurting others on purpose. I believe we all were rolled out of the endless cosmos of time and space. Matter is just a byproduct. Every piece of matter is finite. Souls, spirits, demons, and ghosts are matter on a different plane of existence. There are many different planes to exist in and the one we are all in at this time was our choice this time. Next time you may choose to be an octopod on some other planet in a spiritual form and discover truth about that particular life.

This is all up for conjecture. You don't have to believe anything that I do and you don't have to claim as truth anything that I do. All I ask is that if you don't understand it, agree with it, or think it has merit, don't argue with me because that is not the point of truth. My truth is mine as your truth is yours and we're welcome to them.

Do you believe in ghosts?

Interesting question. I do believe in ghosts, spirits, demons, and angels. I don't believe in an all-powerful being that created them. I could tell you stories of times in my life when necromancy played a big part in my choices. I could tell you of times in my life when I did war on insane spirits that call themselves demons. I could tell you of the love that was shared with me by friendly spirits that helped me get thru the loss of my wife. I have felt and heard and seen things that would curl your hair and subdue the most skeptical. These are my personal experiences and I rarely share them with anybody that doesn't ask. I don't think that we need any "gifts" to see or hear or feel these things, just simply pay attention to your surroundings. An open mind is priceless in this endevour. Transindental meditation is useful if you know what you're doing. I have found that you must have a proclivity of imagination and spirituality to experience these things. I am technically an atheist but that only involves my dissbelief in dieties. I believe the closer you are to your own spiritual side of your self, the closer you are to knowing that there are things out there that nobody can explain rationally. Logic is nice but it can't tell you everything in life, nor can science or religion. These are a part of my belief system and are not the views of others. I have never told anybody else what they are supposed to believe because that is not my job, but I know what I've experienced and believe what I believe. Believe me or not is your choice but know that there is a world out there that very few can truly touch.

Who is your oldest friend?

My bloodbrother Steve. We met in church when I was 5. He's been a point of contention in my mother's estimation but only because when we were together there was usually trouble involved. We were together so much when we were kids that people thought we were brothers so we did the blood ceremony. Him and his family have been there for me when everybody else deserted me. My brother helped me thru bad times and I helped him thru his own set of problems. We've been thru hell together and come out the other side stronger than ever. I Love You Steve and my beautiful sister Julie and my fantastic nephew Wally.

When is okay to lie?

Why bother lying? The truth can be so much more interesting. I think if you really feel such a need to be deceptive that you're not being honest with yourself of the reasoning. Deb could cook me the best dinner in the world and I'd tell her so. If it turned out terrible and I was thinking about McDonald's before it even hit the table, I'd tell her so. Do you really want to tell her a lie and end up having to eat the crap again? Not only that but if you lie, you have so much more to remember. The truth actually happened so the memory may fade over time but it'll still be just that memory with no added garbage. If you lie about it, you have to remember who you told what and when. Then you have to remember exactlly what you told who. Keep it simple. Life is too short to spend all your time trying to give yourself a new reality every week.

Are you interested in intergalactic travel? What would you hope to discover?
Presented by Intel, Sponsors of Tomorrow.

Naked humanoid women that are green and amazonian proportions! So I'm a perv, were you really surprised? I think if we can figure out space travel that takes the speed of light, maybe we'll find the other lifeforms on other planets are quite different from us. Remember, there is no rulebook saying they have to look like us. Xenophobes are useless so keep their stupid asses at home tho. And most of all, lets remember the past on our own planet and not try genocide just for fun and profit.

In honor of Bastille Day, we'd like to know: What's your favorite thing to come out of France?

My ancestors actually. My family was booted out of France because of basically being pirates without ships. They spent a lot of time raping and pillaging. Not a very nice crew from what I understand. They ended up in England after they got kicked out of France. They sired quite a few screaming goobers that continued the family traditions. England got tired of their antics as well so they were put on board ships to the new world to infect it with discord. When they finally showed up here, they split their ways. Two brothers, one went to Canada and the other joined a sort of Irish mafia in order to keep up the old family traditions. Great bunch of folks that settled in various parts of the U.S. The name Pannell got changed in order to hide them but they were still a lot of scoundrels. That led to me, a Pinnell. But I still remember the good old days of being quite insane to the general public. Schizoaffective/bipolar disorder may just be a curse on my family because of our dastardly selves. No biggy, we'll live.

If you could travel to any place and time for one week, where would you go?

I think I'd head for NC so Deb could see her family. While there I could take a short drive down to see my kids in SC. A week may not be long enough but I'd cram everything I could into a short time. Plus I'd pick up some pork skins from Smithfields. Add a little salt and those things are the greatest. They even come fresh and hot. I haven't had any since I had a teacher of mine, in college, pick some up for me on his vacation to NC. Nice teacher. His wife made him bag them up in plastic bags because of the smell, nutty woman. I always thought they smelled like the perfect smoked ham. I would definately head for NC tho. Deb hasn't seen her family since her sister-in-law died a few years ago. I haven't seen my relatives in 4 years thankfully. They only live 100 miles away and sometimes that's not even far enough.

What life dream or goal have you given up on?

None. What the hell are they for if you're willing to give up on them? You're never too old to swim in a pool of spaghetti. (Patch Adams reference for you uneducated) One last chance at the lottery, or one great fling with a super model might not happen but it's still nice to dream of them. It does the heart good to have dreams, even if they're not really probable. Nothing is impossible but probable is a different story. I have dreams and imaginations that could not come true but that doesn't mean that I'm going to give up on dreaming and imagining them. They're truly healthy to keep a good fantasy life alive if only in your own mind. Those that give up on their dreams live a dull existence. Nothing to look forward to just sucks in my estimation. Never give up, they might just be right around the corner.