20 posts from October 2009

What's the worst vacation you've ever taken?

Who goes on vacation? Shit, who can afford it? I've never been on a real vacation unless you count my time in the hospitals. I don't know that those were vacations as such but they got me away from everything for a while. Good times were had but it sucked being away from my family while I was locked up.

I got this facebook account because my sister asked me to. I'm a sucker for just about any woman, they call me well trained. I signed up and there were a butt load of ppl on there that had been looking for me. Mostly from high school. I've been wracking my brain for months now trying to remember these ppl. I catch faint glimpses of a few of them, some flattering some not. The majority of them are a total mistery. I got a myspace a long time ago and went to look for ppl I knew. Guess what, nadda. I remembered 3 names from high school and 2 from elementary. Of the 3 from high school, 2 I had met at a party at my brother's house a few weeks before. The last was a friend that I introduced to his ex-wife. I couldn't even remember the name of my first real girlfriend. I got it now but only because 1 of the guys from myspace reminded me who she was. After I got the facebook thing I started getting hits from ppl I didn't know. I'm not the kind of guy to just fill a friends list so I was very hesitent to add any of these ppl. Then I started looking at their profiles. I graduated with the majority of these ppl. HOLY FUCK WHO ARE THEY? I had no clue. Some came back to me in dreams I got from seeing their names on the screen. I actually remembered my first girlfriend. She looks great btw, 38 yr old goth freak lol. Priceless. Some of them started telling me things they remembered from school and I had no idea what any of them were talking about. I knew I lived in the smoking lounge during lunch and breaks but I don't remember who else was out there. They remembered giving me their change from lunch so I could eat because I was houseless in high school. I faintly remember that. One remembered watching me from a window as I washed a teachers Lincoln in the side yard of the school so I could get money to pay for smokes and food for the night. She even said that she liked that cause I was shirtless lol. I guess I was a strappin young lad in high school. One of them suggested an app on there that asks about memories from high school and that I should fill out the app and send it on around. Here's my quandry: I have none. I faintly remember small clips but no specifics of anything from high school. Coffee and donuts with the principal and the lunch ladies feeding me breakfast if I got to school early enough. I don't really remember much of anything from the kids. The things I do remember aren't very flattering to any of them but even those are faint recollections with no specifics. Plus I don't know how many, if any of them, are real memories. I had already had my cheese slip off its cracker at age 15 so I'm not sure what all was real and what was just the thoughts of a warped mind. I don't even remember the relationship or how it ended with my first girlfriend. WTF do I do? I tried explaining to them that my mind is toast and memories are scarce. They try to give me something to go on but to no avail. This is very disconcerting to not remember anything or anyone from high school. I remember some of the women I slept with for money on my weekends and times off of school but nothing really clear. I remember snippets of conversations. I feel like I've lost a considerable part of my life. Where oh where has my little youth gone?

If you could be any age again for one week, what age would you be?

Since my teenages wasn't a very nice time in my life, I dunno if I'd really want to go thru that again. As for age itself, I'd like to be 18 again. I spent my 18th year with a constant hardon thinking of nothin but good times. I think I'd like to visit that stamina and ability again. It wasn't a real fun time mentally for me but the body was awesome. I also seemed to have had way less inhibitions. I think it was due to the fact that I was in better shape (round is my shape now). I was actually able to sell myself bac then. Maybe not a nice profession but deffinately good for the ego of a young lad. Deb thinks she can't handle some of the things I do to her poor body now, lol, if I had that body bac, DAYUM she'd probably die from exhaustion or orgasm overdose. I was great in bed. I still am pretty good but the body don't work as well any more.

I was lookin at my facebook page this AM and saw a couple of comments to a comment I made on sumbody else's post. The question she asked was basically wat is your purpose and how do you think your life should go? I answered with the comment that life is wat you make it and that purpose is where you find it. Life is to be lived or no matter wat, you're dead already. I think them folks don't understand that I'm a pretty intelligent guy. I spend a lot of time joking and coming up with weird comments and posts to try and entertain them but I do hav a brain. I think sum of the deepest thoughts of anybody I kno. I philosophize all the time and try to wrap my mind around concepts that most ppl ignore just because they're too hard to grasp. Life is wat you make it but everything in your self colors how you make it wat you want. Your attitude this AM will determine how your day is going to go unless something great or catasrofic happens. Yesterday, for example, was not a very good day for me. My AM started with a bad night's sleep and being tired wen I woke up. I took one of my kids to work and wen I got home, my dog was in a full siezure. It lasted about 45 minutes. Bummed me out a bit because she keeps havin them and nobody can tell me y. Me and Deb had a lot of miscommunications and she ended up pissed at me almost all day for one reason or another. I bought a scratch off because I'm tryin to win anything to help me fix my van. i kno it's a long shot but I'm not makin money any other way. Things keep messin up on my van and it's gonna finally cost me about $1000 to get it totally fixed. I've NEVER won anything on a scratchoff but I kno and see a lot of ppl, including Deb, win plenty of money on them. I kno it looks like I'm wasting wat lil money I do hav but wen all you hav is $2 it might as well be a penny wen you actually need $1000. I bought another today and as usual I lost $2. A friend of mine just got a windfall and I hav had his son in my care for the past 4 yrs. I've never asked him for a dime for caring for his son but I think it would be a nice thing to help me out in my time of severe need. It's his son that I take to work every day and take 20 miles to see his girlfriend every weekend. I'm not complaining but I could use sum help but I really don't think it'll happen. The boy in question is due to get about $1700 from his dad's social security but if I don't catch the check, and probably even if I do, I doubt I'll see a dime of it to help out around here. The check is sposed to be for a time about a year ago that he was living with me and I was paying for everything he did and needed and wanted. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel that I'm owed something for compensation in order to fill the bills that even today he incurres. Yes he has a job and he gives us $200 a mnth if he remembers and doesn't spend it all before he gets home after cashing his check. Yes he has dun that several times. H seems to think that living is free in this world and that because I took him in he can just fly by on blowing his money on game systems and games for them and decorations for him and my son's room. This has been a joy but I'm gettin tired. I'm also bitchin too much. I'ma go bac to bed. Take care folks.

Do you believe that honesty is the best policy?

That depends on who you're talking to and what about. Kids should never be lied to because it teaches them trust issues and dishonesty in their own lives. Spouces deserve better than to be lied to if you truly Love them. Girl/boy friends are trying to get to know you so it really doesn't make a lot of sense to lie to them when you will either have to lie bigger to hide it or have to come clean sooner or later anyway. The government lies to all of us all the time so feeding them a line of shit that wont get you into too much trouble aint that bad. Your boss or other authority figures need the truth to be able to treat you as you should be treated but when they spend time worrying you to death over bullshit, piss on em. Doctors need the truth in order to treat your illnesses as best they can but if you can't stand the meds, tell him you lost the bottle but you really wanna try _______. Honesty is usually the best policy but there are times when a good lie can come in handy. Never discount the truth but don't hold so strictly to it that you spend all of your time trying to apologize for being an ass.

Today is "Evaluate Your Life Day." So, tell us: how do you think you're life's going so far?

HO-LY SHIT! That's a bad question. But the fact that I'm gonna sit here and answer it I guess means it aint too bad. Evaluate my life. Two words "fucked up." I spent my entire childhood being afraid of a psycho mom. I spent my adolesence being talked to by ppl that weren't really there. I put myself in harm's way to get by. I smoked everything offered and took everything offered. I drank like a fish. I screwed everything that would allow it. I got married (high point). I went thru almost 9 years of a honeymoon. It was the greatest time in my life but ended abruptly. I suffered grief that you wouldn't believe, compounded by losing my kids as well. I met a great woman again and am doin my damndest to enjoy the hell out of this new time in my life. She's great but I'm still fucked up due to the rest of my past. This is an interesting point in my life. I have had a very interesting life, I think. It was and is still "fucked up."

Do you have siblings? What's your relationship like with them? Bonus points if you share a photo!

I have & had a few siblings. I had a stepbrother that was 35 when he died of a massive heartattack. He was 3 years older than me. My older sister, 3 years older, I grew up with. She hated me and never let a day go by that she didn't remind me of that fact. She has mellowed since our childhood but she's still a bitchy kind of person so we don't really hang out together. She is also a sverely religious person and I am an atheist. I had a younger half sister but she turned out to be a monster so I don't have anything to do with her. I'm not sure how much younger than me she is and I really don't care. My older brother was a great guy and while very young he fathered a child. My nephew was adopted by my father and stepmom because he was a total mess. Severe premi, epileptic, CP, and mental retardation. He's 25 now and has the mind of a 10-12 yr old. I don't see any of my siblings on a regular basis because I live quite a ways away....for a reason. No pics of them as my hard drive crashed and it held all my pics. I'm working on getting some back but it's gonna b a while.

I'm in a mood to type today. I dunno how long it'll last but here it is. Y'all mite hav trouble deciferin my post today cuz I'ma type like I do to Deb wen we chat in IM. I take a lotta shortcuts in our IMs. I'm thinkin that a lot of the letters we use r kinda unnessessary. It's not quit txt speek but it's close. I'm not in the kind of mood I was yesterday cuz I hadn't slept all nite  yesterday. I was SEVERELY tired. I was on a drug called Niaspan. It's sposed to help get the fat outa ur blood. All it really is is niacin plus. Screwd my hole life up fer a bit. The rash will go away eventually. The itching stoppt finally so I cood fall asleep. I slept from 9:30PM till 6AM. 6AM is about my usual time to get outa bed neways. Now I'm sittin here suckin on my coffee cup hopin everybody else stays asleep fer a bit longer. I like my AMs alone. It givs me time to think and play on the puter. I blog morr in the AMs than ne other time. I took the dog out so she cood do her biznez. We got her a week ago. She's a full-blooded huskey w/ blue eyes. Sumtimes they creep me out. She likes to scrub her face in shit in the yrd too wich drives us nuts. We got 3 outside cats that use our yrd fer a toilet so there's always plenty to rub in too dammit. I smoke too much. I'm up to 2 1/2 - 3 paks a day. I bin smokin these lil cigars fer bout 4 yrs now I think. They taste great, chocolate and cherry. Nobody complains much bout them ne morr cuz they smell like cookies bakin. The cherry smell like caufdrops. My sister askt me to get a facebook accnt and like the good pup I am I did it. I've found and bin found by lotsa folks I thot I'd never c or hear from agin. Ppl I knew in high skool. They beggd me to go to the 20 yr reunion but I didn't hav the $80 it cost to go. I found out that a frend from Spain, exchange student, made it to the party & askt about me to everybody. I was thrilld. She found me on fb too. She was a great gal. She's still cute too lol. I've seen pics of the party & I'm not the only 1 goin bald either thankfully. I didn't recognize nebody in the pics tho. Y is smurfette the only grl smurf and is she a slut? OK, time to go bac to fb & c if anybody else hit my posts up. L8r y'all. Hav fun tryin to read this mess. LOL

When was the last time you received a hand-written letter in the mail? Who sent it?

I have a "son" in jail so I get letters all the time. He's a good boy, just a little stupid. I Love him dearly even tho he made a mistake. He's a poet and a student of life and spirituality. I teach those things as any good parent should. Before he went to jail I hadn't seen a real hand-written letter in years. Nobody writes anymore. Email has replaced the postage stamp. I'm as guilty as the next computer junkie so I have no room to critisize. I don't even write to my son in jail. I type up letters on here and print them out. I like him to be able to read what I tell him. My handwriting looks like a chicken on acid scratchin in the dirt, or so I'm told.

Sorry if my other post today, the qotd post, was a lil harsh. I have been awake since 5:30 last night. I woke up at 5 yesterday morning and crashed at 3pm. I woke up again at 5:30 and have not seen the inside of my eyelids since. I'm hungry, tired, hurting, itchy (don't ask me bout that one, i got no idea why), and I think my brain actually shut off about 3 hours ago. Deb asked me what I'm typing ("peck, peck, peck, wtf?"). I told her I'm trying to keep blood flowing to my fangers by typing random shit to anybody I can. She's leaving me alone about it now thankfully. I don't think I could come up with another excuse as coherent as that one. I'll tell you how bad it is, I've hit the backspace key more times in this post than I have in the previous 4. Put together! I think I'm gonna go see if my eyes will stay shut. Maybe I'll drink some camomile tea or something to get a headstart. G'night folks. Remember:sleep is our friend. Get as much as possible in order to keep your brain alive.